


The Immutable Point

by Devon_Aster



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death - Referenced, Gen, Introspection, Non-Pacifist, One Shot, POV First Person, short-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7116793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devon_Aster/pseuds/Devon_Aster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, what's worse: knowing, or not knowing?  See, if I could figure that out, maybe I could... I dunno... find some peace.  Maybe I could finally make a decision whether it's worth it or not.  Maybe I could just give up completely, instead of hangin' on by a thread.  I could let that thread snap and it'd all be over.  Heh.  Nah.  That's a lie.  It wouldn't be over.  It'd never be over.  Because it all comes back around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Immutable Point

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those 'been in my head for too long' things. I apologize to Sans, who gets the angst piled on him all the time.
> 
> Sans, Papyrus, Undertale (c) Toby Fox

So, what's worse: knowing, or not knowing? See, if I could figure that out, maybe I could... I dunno... find some peace. Maybe I could finally make a decision whether it's worth it or not. Maybe I could just give up completely, instead of hangin' on by a thread. I could let that thread snap and it'd all be over. Heh. Nah. That's a lie. It wouldn't be over. It'd never be over. Because it all comes back around. But maybe I could pretend for a little while. Though... I guess a lot of what I do is pretendin'. Maybe I could stop pretendin'. Maybe I could accept it is the way it is. I could stop carin' and just laugh at how hilarious it all is. Because, ya gotta admit, it's pretty damn funny. It's like watching a bug tryin' to crawl up greased glass. It's absurd.

Yeah, it happened again today. The problem is I don't know how many times it's happened. Two times? Twenty times? A hundred?

...a thousand?

How many times have I stood at this point?

How many times have I failed?

The thing I know is that it isn't the first time. Nah, that ship sailed already. I might not know when... it might've even been yesterday... but it wasn't today. Nah. Today was the second time. Or the third. Or the tenth. Or the five hundred and fifth. It's like havin' a dream and forgettin' it, only to dream it again and remember you dreamed it. Even if you don't remember when. And then forgettin' that you remembered until the next time you dream it. It's deja vu. It's an echo. I know it's happened before. The problem is... I don't know if it will happen again.

I don't know if this is the last time. I don't know if it goes on from here. I don't know if we finally hit the point of no return. 'Cause, bro... It exists.

It exists up there... and it exists back there. It's the whole damn reason I can't go back. I've tried. I've tried more times than I can count. I've tried more times than I can remember, because I've tried in times I can't remember. I know I have. I can't do anythin' else. But if we pass that point up there, there's no coming back to here. It's over. It's done. And there's no more standin' here wonderin' how many times this has happened. No more going back to before I'm standin' here. It'll be a wall that can't be passed. Not that there'll be anyone to try passin' it. It'll just be dark and dust.

God help me, though, I don't want to come back to here. I don't want to be standin' here. I don't want to be wonderin' how many times it's happened. I don't want to think about how many times I turned around the corner too late, took too long to realize somethin' was wrong. How many times I've tried to talk you out of it but it didn't work. How many times I decided you were right. How many times I've been too laid-back because I tell myself nothin' matters. That it will all come back around. How many times I've stood here realizin' this point... It might not be impassable like that point up there or that point back there, but its a point where things start to go really wrong and I made the wrong choice. I made the wrong choice and now we're headin' to that point up there. How many times I've thought all these same thoughts, playin' like a broken record that can't remember it's been played before.

But...

If I don't come back to here, then I can't go back to before here. If it all stops, then there's no going back further. There's no before the standin', before the wonderin'. And if the price I have to pay for being there is being here...

I don't know. Is it worth it, do you think? Would it be worth it to you?

...

Do you know how hard it is to get dust out of snow? It's a lesson I've learned at least twice now. Too bad I can't remember the specifics of the first time. Maybe it would help. Maybe it wouldn't. But I can tell you how hard now. It's impossible. Even if you're fast, even if you get there in a blink it's too late. The snow sucks up the dust and there's no gettin' it out. There's nothin' left to hold on to. Everything's gone. Every scrap just crumbles away. Heh. I wonder how many times I've cursed the fact that monster clothing is tied to the monster wearin' it. At least twice, I'm guessin'.

...

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if there's anythin' I really can do. I don't know if the thing I can do is the right choice. Or if it's the wrong one like this one. I just know that point is coming. That point and the point beyond it. And then it's all over. Bro... I just want to go home and shut the door. Forget it all happened. Pretend it's a dream that I'm gonna wake from and we'll be back to before here. And maybe... next time... we won't come to here. But I don't know if that will happen. I don't know if sometime between here and there it'll all come back around, and maybe that time the path will be different. All I know is that it's possible. And I know the opposite is possible. What I don't know is which will be the way taken.

Those are things I know. Those are the things I don't know.

So, what's worse? Knowing, or not knowing? Heh.

I don't know, Papyrus. Maybe, if we don't reach that point up there I can ask you. Maybe if it all comes back around, you can tell me.


End file.
